Australia

‘Cheugy’ millennials just bitter that Gen-Z invented mullets

GEN-Z THINKS MULLET CUTS ARE THEIR IDEA

Millennials are reeling in shock, surprise and more shock after being described by Generation Z as “out of touch”.

Gen-Z is “in touch” with everything except knowledge, experience and the keys to Mum’s car.

Gen-Z describes Millennials with the derogatory slang term “cheugy“. The next generation, Gen-Alpha, is already calling cheugy “So old we can’t even”.

All three young generations listen to music you must admit is completely original – if you’ve never heard music.

Meanwhile, ageing Generation X is tuned in to “radio”, a nostalgic medium filled with un-woke “white noise”.

Gen-Xers are propping up Easy-Listening government station triple j. Their preferred music style is “Hip-Hoperation”.

Baby Boomers are neither booming nor babies. Their latest complaint is, “The kid’s kid’s kids these days…”

LIBERAL GOVT SPENDING MONEY LIKE A LABOR GOVT WISHING IT WAS A LIBERAL GOVT

Treasurer Josh Frydenboiled has plunged Australia into national debt bigger than Clive Palmer’s lunch money.

“We’re bending over forwards to cut back on cutting cost-cutting costs,” said a Treasury spokeswoman wearing a rose-tinted blindfold.

“We run the Budget like a household budget where the people in the household stay warm by burning cash.”

To cover the outgoings, the government is cutting the incomings. It’s complicated.

The theme of the Budget is “In for a penny, infrastructure”.

CRYPTOCURRENCY NOT WORTH THE AIR IT’S WRITTEN ON

A single tweet from Elon Musk made the price of Bitcoin tumble 17 per cent. “It could’ve been worse,” said an investor. “Imagine if he’d posted on Instagram.”

Digital currencies are generated by an energy-intensive process that relies on electricity from fossil fuels, coal and the non-existent future of your grandchildren.

Musk is about to release an environmentally-friendly alternative made from recyclable materials. It’s called “cash”.

PETER DUTTON KEEN FOR WAR WITH ANYBODY BUT VIETNAM, IRAQ, AFGHANISTAN

The Minister For Defence Against Everybody, Peter Dutton, is preparing Australia for war with anyone we can beat.

“Our most likely target is Antarctica with its swarming population of penguins,” said a spokesman. He denied he was being racist when he said, “Penguins all look the same to me.”

“If only there was a nearby nation 50 times our size whom we could conquer with our French submarines which we bought on layby but are yet to receive.”

Don’t panic Australia, our troop is standing at the ready.

In other news …

  • CHINESE SPACE JUNK FALLS ON DEAF EARS
  • ANTI-VAXXER BECOMES A CLOT 
  • ABC’s THE DRUM PANEL AGREES WITH ITSELF. AGAIN.
  • HETERONORMATIVE COUPLE STRUGGLING TO EXPLAIN DISAPPEARANCE OF GERBIL

Tim Ferguson is a widely acclaimed comedian, writer, TV host, and a member of the Doug Anthony Allstars. You can follow him on Twitter at @RealTimFerguson




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